I haven't logged in here in a very long time. I haven't drawn in a long time. I... haven't really done much in a long long time, either.
It seems like my drive is totally dead. I just don't have much motivation to draw anymore. I'm so tired all the time, my life has been very very busy this last year or so. Between work, college and a social life, it seems that art is the last thing on my mind. It's a little difficult to accept this, but it's true. It's sad in a way, because art was always my first priority. Now I have lots of responsibilities. I've truely become an adult I guess lol. Compared to 5 years ago, I am living a totally different life. I'm different. The people around me are different. It's a sad fact of growing up and life changing.
It scares me a lot. I think that anytime I've thought about art, I've just preferred to ignore it and "come back to it later". Well now it's later... months and months later, and it's scary how much has changed. I'm not active online anymore really. Which honestly is upsetting. I miss my friends here, all the stuff we used to do. I mean we're still friends and talk occasionally, I think about them whenever I'm out and about too, but it's just sad to me. It's my own fault too, which is the worst. If you guys are reading this (probably not because I don't think any of us even come on dA anymore lmao) then just know I'm sorry for my absence but you guys still mean a lot to me. I'm sorry I'm too busy to get online much nowadays but I love it when we do talk. I wish you all had viber or something so we could have a big text sesh and we could chat when I'm out and about. Maybe I'll try and organize that. It's just hard when we're all so scattered around the place.
Then I think about UTAU... how inactive I've been. And how many people have left. How dead the fandom is. It's almost non-existant compared to what it used to be. It's a shell of it's former self. Maybe that's why I have been so inactive; everyone seems to be inactive, too. Which is depressing in a way. UTAU is so nostalgic for me. I met some of the best people ever in it, and I'm very happy that we're all still friends many years later. That even though our interest in UTAU has faded, our friendships have not. I will never forget all the good times I had in this great community but I can't go on saying I'm a part of it any longer. I'm too inactive. I still am interested in it but I think I'll never go back to when I was at my peak. It's also just a lot of maintenance and effort when honestly I don't have much time for it nowadays.
I still adore my characters a lot, and they will probably be the most dear OCs I will ever make. They have developed so much with everyone else's UTAU that I could never abandon them. As weird as it sounds they have a lot of sentimental value for me and hold a lot of memories, so they're special in that regard. I don't think I will ever make OCs like them, ever.
It's not a goodbye, though. I have something planned. This year will mark my 5th year using UTAU, and I am doing something for it. I promised myself I will never truely be finished with UTAU until I do this one thing. And I'm doing it. So expect something in the next few months.
This doesn't mean I'll never use the software ever again, either. I have all the updates ameya released and all my voicebanks in a folder, and they are not going anywhere. It just unfortunately won't be often.
I will never give up using my UTAU as characters though. I will probably use them as cameos or background characters or something in other stories. I like them too much to let them die lol.
dA is the same though, right? Almost everyone I watch is just... dead. lol. No one seems active, and it seems that the popularity of the website has died down a LOT. Which in a way is sort of sad because I used to love dA a lot when I first joined. It had to fall eventually though and honestly I'm not surprised with how the rules on theft and tracing has gone on in recent years. Sad, but I knew it was coming a long time.
In terms of art though... I'm gonna try. I want to deep down get back into it. I do. But it's so... hard. I don't know what to do. My career will depend on it so it's a really serious thing. So I'm sorry for the very infrequent updates, but since there are almost 3,000 people watching this account now, I figured I should let you know what's going on.
Thanks everyone for your patience, I hope to provide updates to my gallery sometime.